How To Survive a Long Flight

noise cancelation headphone ... there is no better way to arrive relaxed. tuning out not only the constant engine noise, but also all the chatter from the other passengers will make for a heavenly flight.

The above points, while all excellent, are far short of what is required.



Prepare for your flight the same way astronauts do. In the 48 hours before your long journey, eat a low residue diet and be sure your bowels are clear. If necessary, take a laxative well enough in advance that by the morning of an afternoon or evening flight your system is clear and calm. Pack your bag at least 48 hours before your flight. As you go out the door tick your way through a previously prepared written check list before you go out the door. (Ticket, passport, credit cards, cash, lights off, water heater set to "vacation," clean out and disconnect refrigerator, and leave door open, turn down thermostat and unplug the tv or other "always-on" devices, - all to minimize last minute worries, distractions and panics).



Last Wednesday at 6pm I arrived at SYD for the Vaustralia (Virgin Australia's weird name) flight departing at 9:05pm to LAX and then connecting to EWR on Continental the following day. The total hours involved, from airport arrival to stepping into my apartment in Jersey City were 31.5 hours.



Early arrival (3 hours minimum) at the departing airport is first step in surviving. It minimizes the stress of getting the boarding pass and clearing security. It also was necessary to improve my chances of scoring a preferred seat location. That last point was necessary because VA's ticketing refused to allow me to choose a seat anyplace but at the actual boarding gate, not even at check-in.



What is a "preferred seat?" That is a highly personal choice but one that deserves a lot of attention. My preference is on the aisle, right side facing forward, over the wings. I am just a few weeks short of 77 years old and don't like climbing over two other people to get out of a window seat - and of course - a center seat is totally unacceptable, a torture worthy only of Dick Cheney's approval.



Some prefer the bulkhead and exit rows for the extra legroom they offer. I have never understood why those seats have immovable and thick, space stealing walls between those seats. Others favor a window seat because it provides a wall to lean against while sleeping. Avoid being too close to either the toilets or a galley. The foot traffic and noise are avoidable nuisances.



Try to avoid being in a seat with the center occupied. The reasons are obvious. The check-in or gate person who assigns your seat can often help with that if you are polite and solicitous. They cannot guarantee that it will happen but they can at least encourage the possibility with a few click in the computer it if the flight is not full. It's worth asking.



I also avoid the last row in any section because those seats typically do not lean back as far as others. The important thing is to make the informed choice and get it.



What to bring on the flight?



First of all, as much water as you can carry. In my experience as a frequent-flyer of the half-way around the world ordeal (two months ago it was Italy to New York), the galley runs out of bottled water long before the flight ends and the even the on-board tap water, which has an distinctively unpleasant taste, often runs out as well. I drink their bottled water until they run out and then go to my own supply when that happens.



You'll have to buy your water supply at exorbitant airport ramp prices because security screening won't allow you to bring in "wild" water from the real world. But staying hydrated is essential. You must force yourself to drink water - at least a liter (or quart) every two hours - even if your system doesn't signal thirst.



That means more frequent trips to the toilet. Now you know one more reason for the aisle seat.



Bring wholesome snack food from home. A few apples and at least 1 pound (or 500 grams if metric) of mixed unsalted nuts. Maybe a wedge of cheese. Perhaps dry crackers. Avoid sugary or salted foods and beverages. Do not drink coffee or other caffinated stuff for one day prior to the trip.



Drug yourself. (Oh puh-leese, the usual medical cautions apply, starting with doctor approval.) At the very least, assuming medical approval, bring along some standard aspirin and take one every 6 or 8 hours. It keeps your blood thinner, minimizing thrombosis risk and reduces muscular discomfort.



I prefer Tylenol 3 pills instead of aspirin. I get a prescription from my doctor who knows how I use them. After the crew serves what they call dinner (yuck) and the lights go down, I take three of them. The Tylenol serves a similar function to the aspirin the codeine puts me in a comfortable sleep for at least 6/8 hours.



Other tips. Take off your shoes. Wear loose or adjustable clothing. Use the airline provided eye-covers. Save them for your next flights.



Very important - invest in a high-end set of noise-cancelling headphones. If you wear them for 5 minutes you will never want to fly on any airplane without them. Until you use them you will not appreciate how much stress and strain you are suffering from the constant roar of the airplane.



Mine are from Audio-Technica. http://www.jr.com/audio-technica/pe/AT_ATHANC7B/



There are other brands more expensive that others swear are superior but I have not heard a difference in my own tests.



Finally, arrange to be met in the arrival baggage area by a limo. That "last mile" can be the worst. In my case, the limo at $25 plus a tip (http://avcitylimo.com) is cheaper than the taxi ($46 plus tip) and a lot more comfortable at time when you really need pampering and convenience.

Yes, this would have been useful information if i'd been cryogenically frozen over the last millenium and never interacted with any form of mass transit. Who knows though, maybe there are even still people who have never been on a plane.